Joe Murray: Stories

9. a little black and white philosophy

I stopped what I was doing when Bibs came round the corner.
“Oh, why did you have to go and do that?” I asked.
“Hmott?” It was difficult for her to speak with a magpie in her mouth.
“The magpie,” I said, “the one in your mouth.”
She put it down on the grass, “oh, that.” she shrugged. It’s what I do.”
“You shouldn’t kill things,” I said.
She looked at me, I take it you haven’t read Kumar’s 2006 treatise in Permissible killing and the irrelevance of being human?”
“No, I haven’t, and I dare say I probably won’t… ever.”
“Aye,” she said, “you’ll be more ethical guy – Hume, Locke?” she blinked.
“Yeh,” I said, I have read them…”
“’Reason alone cannot be a motive to the will,” she interjected. “but rather is the “slave of the passions’…. that sort of thing?” She continued, “So, no real reason for me having the Magpie other than I am passionate about birds.” She chuckled.
“yeh, well...”
“Hume’s principles of truth I can go with up to a point,” She banged on, “the truths of mathematical statements, for instance. I mean in the cat world, two plus two nearly always makes four, but all us cats agree that the sum of the internal angles in a triangle always comes to 180 degrees. Basically, some truths when proved, they can’t be unproved. However, his other truth concerns things that actually exist in the world.” She took a big breath, “so, I am a cat, ergo, as Descartes said, je pense, donc je suis. However, and this is where I separate myself from Hume… and Locke,” she said, “ oh, and Berkley too, as they argue against innate knowledge, asserting that human beings cannot have ideas in their minds of which they are not aware. This is untrue in the cat world where we go on instinct. Instinct is innate. That bird flew too close and my instinct was to kill it. I was unaware of this till it happened and now that bird is dea….”
As she turned to look at the Magpie, it shot to its feet and flew off. It had obviously been faking it. She stared after it for a few seconds then slowly turned to look at me. The look of disappointment on her wee face was huge. However, I was smiling, which obviously annoyed her.
She stared at me and said, “you even think of bringing up Schrödinger, Big Man, and my claws are in your baws.” She walked away.

I swear that was the first time I ever heard a cat tut.
I sat down on the garden bench and reached into my pocket for my hip flask. This was going to take a double hit of a good Malt.


Articles/ Thoughts Poems COPYRIGHT © 2021 Dr Joe Murray		Bibs the Cat we’re all family, really a little feline philosophy excuse my french on the cludgie the baby a lesson in socialism sleeping with the enemy on the level a little black and white philosophy the magpie ultimatum Indy Cat? Who’s the Daddy? It's no about flags Video Stories Alasdair Gray & the Book of Prefaces Keekin Through Windaes The Two Heifers The Congo The Hotdog Other Stories Aye, right ennuf a natural balance a short tale of woe Maggie and the Little Pollok Carpet
	9. a little black and white philosophy I stopped what I was doing when Bibs came round the corner. “Oh, why did you have to go and do that?” I asked. “Hmott?” It was difficult for her to speak with a magpie in her mouth. “The magpie,” I said, “the one in your mouth.” She put it down on the grass, “oh, that.” she shrugged. It’s what I do.” “You shouldn’t kill things,” I said. She looked at me, I take it you haven’t read Kumar’s 2006 treatise in Permissible killing and the irrelevance of being human?” “No, I haven’t, and I dare say I probably won’t… ever.” “Aye,” she said, “you’ll be more ethical guy – Hume, Locke?” she blinked. “Yeh,” I said, I have read them…” “’Reason alone cannot be a motive to the will,” she interjected. “but rather is the “slave of the passions’…. that sort of thing?” She continued, “So, no real reason for me having the Magpie other than I am passionate about birds.” She chuckled. “yeh, well...” “Hume’s principles of truth I can go with up to a point,” She banged on, “the truths of mathematical statements, for instance. I mean in the cat world, two plus two nearly always makes four, but all us cats agree that the sum of the internal angles in a triangle always comes to 180 degrees. Basically, some truths when proved, they can’t be unproved. However, his other truth concerns things that actually exist in the world.” She took a big breath, “so, I am a cat, ergo, as Descartes said, je pense, donc je suis. However, and this is where I separate myself from Hume… and Locke,” she said, “ oh, and Berkley too, as they argue against innate knowledge, asserting that human beings cannot have ideas in their minds of which they are not aware. This is untrue in the cat world where we go on instinct. Instinct is innate. That bird flew too close and my instinct was to kill it. I was unaware of this till it happened and now that bird is dea….” As she turned to look at the Magpie, it shot to its feet and flew off. It had obviously been faking it. She stared after it for a few seconds then slowly turned to look at me. The look of disappointment on her wee face was huge. However, I was smiling, which obviously annoyed her. She stared at me and said, “you even think of bringing up Schrödinger, Big Man, and my claws are in your baws.” She walked away. I swear that was the first time I ever heard a cat tut. I sat down on the garden bench and reached into my pocket for my hip flask. This was going to take a double hit of a good Malt.